Understanding Aloofness – Part I

Guest Post by Allison Burrus, Ph.D.

Has anyone referred to you as aloof? Just me? Ok, well perhaps you can think of someone you know you would describe as being aloof. What does the term aloof really mean? For some, an aloof person could be considered reserved, distant, uninterested, or indifferent. I may be ok if I’m referred to as reserved, but I am rarely indifferent to or disinterested in the people or things around me. I don’t like the “label” of aloofness and you probably don’t either, particularly in the workplace.  It’s definitely not a compliment or a characteristic to highlight on your resume! I suspect sometimes people who are referred to as aloof, such as myself, may be misunderstood. But some people described as aloof may indeed be indifferent or disinterested by the people and things around them. Since we’re talking about the behavior of people, who vary, defining and describing aloofness can be a challenge.

When I did a Google search of aloofness, a variety of things came up. For the research nerds like myself, don’t worry, I’ll get more academic later! The Google search brought up a few blogs speculating on why people appear aloof and question/answer forums about what to do about an aloof boss/partner/friend. One blogger (Sarah Wanjohi) discussed that her score on a personality test indicated she was an introverted thinking type, which explained to her why she was often perceived as being aloof or cold. She describes finding comfort in understanding this behavior is part of her base personality. In other words, this is who she is.

Thinking about being aloof as a characteristic of someone described as an introvert seems like an easy answer. However, we all know people who are aloof in many circumstances, but are extraverted in other situations. In the academic literature, there is a widely-researched typology of personality called the Big Five, which refers to five major personality constructs (Judge & Bono, 2000). The Big Five include Extraversion, Agreeableness, Conscientiousness, Emotional Adjustment, and Openness to Experience. There are a number of assessments available to help determine where you fall on these traits.  For our purposes, I won’t elaborate on each of the Big Five, instead focusing on extraversion.

An extravert is classified as being outgoing, assertive, and seeking excitement. (Judge & Bono, 2000). Typically, the low end of the scale measuring extraversion is referred to as introversion. To determine where I stand on a scale of introversion to extraversion, I can take one of the tests drawing on this typology, such as the NEO Personality Inventory (Costa & McCrae, 1992). While my score may vary somewhat given my circumstances and frame of mind when I took it, the test will still consistently inform me that I am an introvert. And, unlike aloofness, there is much “common knowledge” surrounding introversion/extraversion; we generally have greater understanding of what these characteristics look like, so I’m likely to agree with the Big Five’s results; I know what it looks like to be introverted. But knowing I’m inclined to introversion does not tell me what it means to be aloof.

To dig deeper, I searched the academic literature to find a test that would specifically tell me if I am aloof or not. There are several reasons why I wanted to find such a test. First, I wanted a test to officially define aloofness, in addition to telling me whether I was aloof. Second, valid tests (scales) in the research literature are generally accompanied by theories explaining the phenomena and what outcomes relate to the trait. So, if I could find a valid scale then I could also see what happens when a person is aloof.

If the outcome of being aloof has no influence on my work or relationships, then it really does not matter if I’m aloof or not. On the other hand, if being perceived as aloof results in negative work outcomes, such as coworkers or friends avoiding collaboration or seeking assistance from me, then aloofness is a problem worth addressing.

Unfortunately, I found little research around the specific trait of being aloof. There was one study that polled a fairly large group of undergraduates concerning specific acts or behaviors they associate with an aloof person (Buss & Craik, 1981). The researchers supplemented the acts provided by the undergraduates with acts provided by subject matter experts and came up with 100 behaviors of an aloof person. Then they had another group of people rate the acts as those that were most consistent with aloof individuals. The methodology they used to associate these acts with validated personality scales somewhat falls apart, scientifically speaking. There were a number of articles from other scientists criticizing their methods and thus the aloofness scale remains buried as an idea in the 1980s. While this is unfortunate, the results did provide some interesting ideas. For one, there was a large quantityt of aloof actions identified and supported by multiple groups of people. (More about this in Part II.) So, these actions can give us an idea of what an aloof person may look like. In addition, the researchers followed the same process with another group of people to establish gregarious actions.

Gregariousness is characterized by being especially sociable. The authors suspected aloof actions may just be the lack of gregarious actions. For instance, the aloof person does not laugh much in a crowd while the gregarious person does. However, they found the aloof actions were deliberate actions associated with aloofness as opposed to the opposite of gregarious actions. Some examples of the aloof acts identified were:

1. He (she) displayed no emotion when meeting a long-lost friend at the airport.
2. He (she) ignored the acquaintance who passed him (her) on the street.
3. He (she) continued to read a book amidst a group of people.
4. He (she) socialized very little at the family reunion.

All of this is interesting but does not really help me decide how to be less aloof. Or, frankly, whether I need to be less aloof. Is being aloof inherently bad? Well, if you are the long-lost friend at the airport who is met by a person that does not appear to care or be excited, then it probably is a bad thing! Thinking in the context of work, if you are the employee giving a presentation to a boss who does not appear to be interested and certainly not impressed, then it is a problem. From a church perspective, if you are a pastor and appear disinterested to a member of your congregation, they may leave to find what they perceive as a more welcoming individual. Or worse yet, they may leave and never attend church again.

Maybe you are reading this and thinking, I have never behaved in this manner, so I need to read no further. Are you sure you haven’t though? What would other people say about you? Well, there is certainly a way to find that one out. Just ask them! To be sure, it may be an awkward conversation. Continuing to go through life unsure of how you come across to others could be a worse fate though. Not to mention, it is important to understand yourself if you want to relate well to others. So, my assignment for you is to strike up a conversation with a trusted coworker, friend, partner, or a combination of them all to determine if you come across as aloof. Go beyond asking if they think you are aloof and ask them what specific behaviors lead to that perception. Come back for Part II to get some practical advice on how to address aloofness. If you are not described as aloof by your sources, still come back because you might learn something you can share with others!